Thailand Update

Hey you guys! 

sorry I couldn’t post on my birthday was really busy that week and then had my last week of school! That is right school is now over in Thailand and I am now 16 years old. Its strange if you want to know. On my birthday I was like ok so now I say I am 16 (sip hawk) in Thai language, I can do this. Don’t feel any different just was glad I got to celebrate my birthday in Thailand. 

^ The good looking class of M.5/6 now proud to say M.6! My whole class surprised me by all 44 classmates giving 10 baht to buy me a cake! It was a complete surprise and so sweet! It was really funny when I found out that all 46 of us were going to eat it. 

A little fun fact about Thai culture on birthdays, every birthday is important and they do give birthday cakes, sing happy birthday (in English). But until they surprise you with cake they act like it is a normal day and do not give presents. In fact, you give them something on your birthday. That surprised me when a teacher took me out to lunch and asked what I got my friends. Don’t panic. I got my friends some Thai treat things. 

At dinner my family was at our friends house and they made sure they had food the foreigner could eat, which is really sweet of them. Dinner had at least 5 plates full of food that they could add chili peppers themselves so I could eat everything. As an exchange it is a unmentioned requirement to EAT EVERYTHING or try everything given to you. Let it be squid, small fish, the chili peppers cooked with every meal. Luckily I did not have to take such adventurous action that day. 

My favorite part of that day was during dinner my older brother told me he forgot the cake at home. I do hate to admit I was deceived very well. He showed me the bag of spoons and paper plates and smiled and said sorry no eat cake in broken English and I fell for it. I was fooled even to the moment when everyone brought out a small Chinese food cookie thing that I can’t explain in English much to my horror. My mom put 6 candles in the cookie and started to sing happy birthday to me. I was laughing and smiling so hard because it was so silly looking and my Thai mom was speaking English to me for the first time. I started to get confused after she continued to sing for 3 minutes… Then everyone came in through the door they apparently left through during my mother’s singing to bring in the really cake! I am was completely surprised by friends and family twice in one day. I called my brother a liar, happy as I was to be lied to then “Wai”ed (pressing both hands together and fingers pointing upwards) and made my birthday wish. As much as I would like to share my wish I think the internet does still count by not telling anyone. 

These past two weeks have been really nice. Without school I have been staying home most days and spending time with my family. I have officially been with them for 3 months and have never been happier here in Thailand. I am not thinking of the past just the moments I have left with them. 

My little sister graduated kindergarten so I got to go to her school. I would love to show you pictures but my computer is slow with the internet here so I will be uploading them soon to Facebook if you care to stalk me.

I have a little less than 70 days left in Thailand and by the looks of my schedule I will be enjoying them completely. I will be going to Chiang Mai. You may not know, but it is very famous in Thailand and said to be breath taking. I am going there for my later than planned mid stay camp do to the very real situation in Bangkok. I hope to talk more about that some other time to let you know what really is going on around the world. From there I will go traveling to do a community service project that I am super excited for. The project is a part of my program with YES ABROAD. Later on in the month hopefully one of my friends on my program scholarship will be able to come to my amazing province to hangout for a week. 

Then through all of this I will be working on my Capstone Project which is a final project that students of Y.A. are required to do and it is a way to share something that reflects the country I have called home for the past year. I am excited and freaking out over it but, do not worry things seem to be coming together. I will not inform you, not because I am writing this at 12:20 at night, just I want to keep it a surprise. 

Overall dear friends and family, I am doing wonderfully and happy/ heartbroken to see you all so soon. I am eating all the food I can to make sure I am living up to being a fat exchange student. I am speaking Thai language every single day. I am making memories with my Thai family that does not need to share the same blood or language to know I love them. I will be better now with summer in full swing and things actually happening to be posting of my bitter sweet weekly adventures in Thailand. 

Swadiee ka, 

Mary

Title Unknown

I want to cry.

I want to burst into big sobs with painful breathe that makes that gasping sound that needs no words to be explained. I want to let my eye leak out water on to my face in a hopeless attempt to come back to me instead of creating pointless steams that seem like they will never stop.

But they do stop. Everything stops in the end. The end of the song were it can stop with a bang and a defining silence that comes from the one musical piece whom doesn’t have the heart to say goodbye. The book with the last page of the last chapter, were you the end is near and you are unreasonable afraid beyond a doubt of letters put into words that you know will transform you to be a different person. But it does in the end, it never had a choice.

At the end of the stream of tears, the heartbreaking silence of a song, the deep breath after the body shaking sob. The words “The End” comes to everything in life.
There it is. The relieve. The moment when you wipe away the salty ocean you made, When the joy of understanding something beyond words sink into your soul. The air you finally swallow is the greatest thing you have ever tasted.

In life you have moments like these. When the pain fads away and everything doesn’t look the same as when the tears blurred your vision. My stay here in Thailand has let me see things from so many different points of view. Most days I wonder what point of view am I seeing this world. I am seeing it as a foreigner in Thailand? An Thai student? An American in a exotic country? The only white student at my school who gets stared at every single day? The girl in Thailand who is always trying to keep up? How do I see the world? I ask these questions because I don’t know the answer.

Today I am almost at the 3 month mark with my third host family in Thailand. Close friends and family know the reason for the change in better details than what little ones I will give you. In short, I didn’t know I had to change myself. I thought  I could just change the little things about myself. Like do the dishes, keep room clean, study more Thai, mainly try harder. I can’t believe I never realized I needed to change myself into something so much more than that. I still struggle even now, when the days are turning to minutes left with finally a place I feel at home.
I think about coming home in the best and worse ways. Being an exchange student is such deeper challenge than they will ever tell you with your program. I am actually happy they didn’t tell me. If I knew what it would be like I think I would of been to afraid to even go to the interview.

From the bottom of my heart I do not want to go back to the USA. I love how I struggle and learn and grow far from what could of been possible at home. Everyday I learn something that could never be taught in a classroom. How to act like a person. I would love to see that option in my high when I go back next fall. Here I go to school and learn how to talk to my friends, how to eat my bowl of Thai noodles properly without looking like a 3 year old. Finally those moments of achievements of eating a half of spoon of chill pepper flakes in my food and the biggest smile from my Thai mom when help her in the kitchen. I have discovered the unknown part of learning one we are never taught about. We teach ourselves without knowing possibly our whole lives.

I fear my home country. What will I do and act like. If I see the world I have always known as home as a Thai person I wouldn’t be able to connect with it. But I can not act like the last few months have done and meant nothing to me. I have forced myself to change into something different. Days I wonder if it better or worse. If what country would I be more welcomed in.

I tell you these things not for emotions to be over dramatized but to share with you my thoughts. Many people never let people know what they are truly thinking until a negative outlet is available. In my daily life here everyone is so considerate of each other the american in me that would make my life easier in Thailand if it went away wonders how things are done. I love having to work so hard to find out and understand something I have never considered my entire life but when I see it, it is the most obvious thing I couldn’t believe I have never did.

Tonight I watched a movie that made me cry. It is called the “Book Thief”. I imagine it could be very popular in the US right now but I do  not know. I watched it realizing I was going to cry like a baby within the first 2 minutes. It was good for people to cry even if I freak out my sister siting at the desk 5 feet away while I am trying not to sob. I watched the movie so I could write this blog post. I needed to feel in touch with myself to share with you what many people will never tell you.
I will leave with what has been said I do feel like if I add more I will take away the power of words if I end up making a mistake with my amusing English level now. Let it be known I have not ever been happier here in Thailand than with this family and I am doing amazing.

For those of you back home do not worry so much I am splendid here and don’t react badly to the truths of exchange. The things that have happened to me has given me the greatest knowledge I have never known before. I couldn’t be happy here tonight writing this if I didn’t experience lessons I do not regret.  I will write again on my birthday. That should keep at least some of you guessing.
Love,
Mary

Title Unknown

I want to cry. 

I want to burst into big sobs with painful breathe that makes that gasping sound that needs no words to be explained. I want to let my eye leak out water on to my face in a hopeless attempt to come back to me instead of creating pointless steams that seem like they will never stop.

But they do stop. Everything stops in the end. The end of the song were it can stop with a bang and a defining silence that comes from the one musical piece whom doesn’t have the heart to say goodbye. The book with the last page of the last chapter, were you the end is near and you are unreasonable afraid beyond a doubt of letters put into words that you know will transform you to be a different person. But it does in the end, it never had a choice. 

At the end of the stream of tears, the heartbreaking silence of a song, the deep breath after the body shaking sob. The words “The End” comes to everything in life.
There it is. The relieve. The moment when you wipe away the salty ocean you made, When the joy of understanding something beyond words sink into your soul. The air you finally swallow is the greatest thing you have ever tasted. 

In life you have moments like these. When the pain fads away and everything doesn’t look the same as when the tears blurred your vision. My stay here in Thailand has let me see things from so many different points of view. Most days I wonder what point of view am I seeing this world. I am seeing it as a foreigner in Thailand? An Thai student? An American in a exotic country? The only white student at my school who gets stared at every single day? The girl in Thailand who is always trying to keep up? How do I see the world? I ask these questions because I don’t know the answer.

Today I am almost at the 3 month mark with my third host family in Thailand. Close friends and family know the reason for the change in better details than what little ones I will give you. In short, I didn’t know I had to change myself. I thought  I could just change the little things about myself. Like do the dishes, keep room clean, study more Thai, mainly try harder. I can’t believe I never realized I needed to change myself into something so much more than that. I still struggle even now, when the days are turning to minutes left with finally a place I feel at home. 
I think about coming home in the best and worse ways. Being an exchange student is such deeper challenge than they will ever tell you with your program. I am actually happy they didn’t tell me. If I knew what it would be like I think I would of been to afraid to even go to the interview.

From the bottom of my heart I do not want to go back to the USA. I love how I struggle and learn and grow far from what could of been possible at home. Everyday I learn something that could never be taught in a classroom. How to act like a person. I would love to see that option in my high when I go back next fall. Here I go to school and learn how to talk to my friends, how to eat my bowl of Thai noodles properly without looking like a 3 year old. Finally those moments of achievements of eating a half of spoon of chill pepper flakes in my food and the biggest smile from my Thai mom when help her in the kitchen. I have discovered the unknown part of learning one we are never taught about. We teach ourselves without knowing possibly our whole lives. 

I fear my home country. What will I do and act like. If I see the world I have always known as home as a Thai person I wouldn’t be able to connect with it. But I can not act like the last few months have done and meant nothing to me. I have forced myself to change into something different. Days I wonder if it better or worse. If what country would I be more welcomed in. 

I tell you these things not for emotions to be over dramatized but to share with you my thoughts. Many people never let people know what they are truly thinking until a negative outlet is available. In my daily life here everyone is so considerate of each other the american in me that would make my life easier in Thailand if it went away wonders how things are done. I love having to work so hard to find out and understand something I have never considered my entire life but when I see it, it is the most obvious thing I couldn’t believe I have never did. 

Tonight I watched a movie that made me cry. It is called the “Book Thief”. I imagine it could be very popular in the US right now but I do  not know. I watched it realizing I was going to cry like a baby within the first 2 minutes. It was good for people to cry even if I freak out my sister siting at the desk 5 feet away while I am trying not to sob. I watched the movie so I could write this blog post. I needed to feel in touch with myself to share with you what many people will never tell you. 
I will leave with what has been said I do feel like if I add more I will take away the power of words if I end up making a mistake with my amusing English level now. Let it be known I have not ever been happier here in Thailand than with this family and I am doing amazing. For those of you back home do not worry so much I am splendid here and don’t react badly to the truths of exchange. The things that have happened to me has given me the greatest knowledge I have never known before. I couldn’t be happy here tonight writing this if I didn’t experience lessons I do not regret.  I will write again on my birthday. That should keep at least some of you guessing.
Love, 
Mary

Laundry and Little Dogs

I am such a cool person I have disguised this post to be lame and only personal. 555 I have fooled you.
Let me start with something important to me.

You are not your language. That is a phrase I have started to tell myself when I talk to my friends and family from all around the world and a way to remind myself that I don’t have to act a certain way here. Just because you speak Thai doesn’t make a certain way, just most people think you are that way because of what they know about culture and country. The same goes for all the countries and languages around the world. We need to understand that the majority of  us make expectations about everything from people to the food of a country that could be negative when living there. I know I sound like I am repeating what has been told to people over and over again but one of these times it has to finally stick. I know I needed to experience it myself to understand the importance of it. Because once we get those thoughts out of the way, we have the opportunity to do so many good deeds with others from around the world. Can you imagine the things that could be accomplished and created with a united effort on a worldwide scale without any mental barriers we build to have differences between us that hold us back?

I feel like there is nothing more to say on that topic at this time so lets keep this post rolling!

So the reason for my lame title is because it Saturday and that means it is Laundry day! woohoo! please hold your applause family members who know I never did much of that back home. And so I am writing this post between doing the laundry and I go outside to hang up my clothes and I see one of the stray dogs in my village and it just squeezes through the gate walks around in the yard and walks right out through the way it came. It is really strange because most of the strays here are small dogs who can do that. The dog idea and believes are different here in Thailand so it may be hard on dog lovers to hear this. There are lots of stray dogs here in Thailand alot of them live on the streets living of scrapes people give them. Now you may be starting to think this is cruel but here it is really nice of people to do cause they don’t have space or baht for a dog and so they give them food when they can. And many nights you can hear the barking of the dogs and possible fights between them. Here it something you learn to live with and accept as a non-local it could be hard for people to understand the thought process of the Thai people about dogs. I say these things not to offend or be rude but to share the differences we have and accept others.

10 days until grandfather very excited to see him have some plans I will surprise him with and the gifts he with bring from home!

Ok so the other week was Halloween and my adviser and coordinator asked me the day before if I could go in front of the school in a Halloween costume and talk about Halloween to the students. With one day to prepare I think I did pretty good! With a scrap construction paper witch hat and trash bag cape I looked like a hobo witch. Oh don’t forget my crazy Halloween socks!

 Luckily the students didn’t seem to notice my embarrassment.  The student had to answer the question of what were the 2 popular Halloween colors! Answer: Black and Orange. He got a caramel apple lollipop from home!

 These are my socks that shocked every teacher and student I wore them all day! I felt on top of the world 😉

After school I came home and had a failed on my part Halloween dinner I made of hot dogs mummies and jello that never set… But after the ok dinner I made. My mom and sister gave me Halloween candy! I stayed up and watched Halloween movies hoping to have a candy hangover.

Now I am listening to christmas music on a very sunny day here in Thailand wanting some snow but worried how that would affect the my laundry drying in the sun…

So I leave you now with some words of wisdom.

“There are no foreign lands it is only the traveler who is foreign.”
With foreign love,
Mary,ญาดา

I think I understand…?

That is my thought every time I have a conversation. For the people out there who think being an exchange student is easy, you don’t even know the half of it. We post cool pictures on the internet to make you jealous of the adventure but you are only seeing the happy moments, not the daily struggles to function successfully in our foreign country. Don’t misunderstand me I love it here I do not want leave but, I want to try to get through to your empathy and imagine such challenges you have never faced before.

Well, that was a good welcome to my blog 😉 Thanks for reading and haha I did in fact make another post before Monday! My box my mom sent me came yesterday while I was ironing my school uniforms, ( my Thai mom she got them monogrammed with my Thai name! Yaada which means Philosopher and my Thai nickname, Tubtim, means like ruby, pomegranate cause the first week I was really red in the face from blushing and the heat so my classmates thought it fight nicely 😉 ) so now I am already for school… I should be excited to see my friends but it will sad to watch their faces when they start speaking Thai to me, I have improved greatly over the week with the new family but not ready for a Thai teenage conversation. I am lucky I almost have the 47 characters of the Thai alphabet memorized.

here lets take a picture break! my blog looks boring!

my house! And my sister!

whoa wasn’t that exciting? I love my house its so open and comfortable right now I am siting on the couch and it is a comfy as it looks! I spend all day downstairs cause way too hot upstairs. At this moment my sister, P’Pat is at her part-time job as English tutor and Khun Meh is at home doing her teacher work on the computer listening to soothing Thai music. I really love it here and I am bonding with my sister over Japanese cartoons and Korean music. It has been fun!

But back to earlier about the box! I want to thank my best friend Anna for all the amazingly sweet letters you wrote me and I am writing you one so expect to hear from my mom later. And mom and dad and Leighann thanks for getting the Idaho shirts for my family it means a lot to me to give them something. And all the snacks and awesome socks I am trying to figure out if I can get away with wearing them at school. 😉 We don’t celebrate Halloween here so I think to socks will have to do. As soon as I say the TARDIS socks I put them on and was sliding around the house in them! So please know my family and friends who helped with box I am grateful!

Lets see what else… OH! right. MY GRANDFATHER IS COMING TO THAILAND!! (explains the count down) I am so psyched to see him! we get to spend to afternoon together! Gosh darn whenever I think about I start bouncing in my seat like a little kid 🙂 And other news I am answering questions for the yearbook so there will be an article about me so everyone should get a yearbook now because it will be wonderful cause of Elizabeth 😉 I made this video for this American AFS official who was in Thailand and knew about me and works with Yes Abroad but I think its better now so I will share with you! Later!

With foreign love,

Mary
P.S never mind about the video its not loading but I will share it soon!! sorry to get you excited.
P.P.S look hashtags! #AFS #YESABROAD

Ah. So I have some explaining to do…

Yeah, I thing I summed that up real well. A lot of things has happened since I last wrote on this blog that has been very neglected. I am sorry little blog and to my friends and family who worry back home in USA. Lets catch up over the lost time, ok?  Today was 12th day with my new host family. For those of you whom did not know that I changed my Thai host family i did. I changed because of the busy schedule the family had and how we had a large communication challenge, they are in fact a wonderful family I personally think it just was not a good match. So as the Thai’s say, Mai Pben Rai! No worries I am much happier here than I can imagine. The week before I went to English camp to help assist the Thai and foreign teachers at school that a AFS volunteer invited me to join. To say the least it was a lot of fun and I got to see and make some new foreign friends from other AFS students in Thailand and other Thai students from that school. After that I spent two days with a teacher from that school, and I know I sound too up beat but that was great also it was 2 days filled with delicious food that had no meat in it! everything tasted great and tofu can taste really good American reading this! So a side note of this post is don’t be afraid to eat food you don’t know. In the beginning I was surprised at myself at the mental barriers I had to over come just to eat a Thai meal. And over time it gets easier to get out of your comfort zone then soon you are eating squid, fish, sea snails, and all different kinds of Thai noodles and rice!  For my family reading please don’t go into shock about how I was one of the pickiest eaters back home…I know… You all told me so 😉 Anyway after that I meet up with my coordinator and grabbed all my things consisting of one big busted up suitcase, one small suitcase, three backpacks, and a laptop bag and a small purse/travel bag later I met the family I would hopeful love. To be honest with you guys I was so nervous I was near to tears and my adviser got me praying in the back seat. I was so worried I was some how going to mess up this time too. I thought I might never get to feel what its like to have a family here with me to help me go through all my struggles. So far I have been completely wrong. That day I met my sister, P’Pat.( note: Thai culture when referring to an older sibling sister/brother you add P’ to show respect) and she is in the last year in the University and went on exchange a few years ago to USA so I am able to talk to her easily and comfortable. My Thai mom, Khun Meh( Thai pronunciation and also to show respect to close elders add Khun) is a elementary school teacher so my almost nonexistent Thai language skills have improved greatly. But, I know when school starts up next week my Thai friends will be sad I can’t speak fluent yet. My house is “posh” as my american friend called it and I agree its really open and welcoming and so far it still feels the same. After a few days with just the 3 of us my Thai dad, Khun Pah(Thai pronunciation) came home from working in I think now its Laos? as an engineer. I talked to him once before we met on the phone and he tried telling me a joke in Thai, I was so embarrassed I didn’t understand, I quickly said in Thai, sorry I don’t understand and gave the phone back to my mom. After I met him and spent a couple of days together I found out he is really funny and a great father to my new family, I like to think the phone call we had is now a joke between us and when he comes back again in three weeks I am supposed to show I improved my Thai. I look forward to telling him the all the 47 characters of the Thai alphabet, the days of the week and basic conversation to see if I can understand Thai humor. In other news as an AFS student it is no surprise I am getting fat. I am no way ashamed to enjoy Thai food and especially Thai dessert but now that means I have to start excising… I don’t know if you guys back in snowy north Idaho can imagine how freaking hot it gets here so that means I get to wake up at 6 in the morning to get my now jiggling body out of bed and take a run in my village although short time it is sometimes worth the stares I get from the neighbors because I am foreign. I guess I will lead me to clarify somethings about Thailand. Thai culture mostly loves foreigners, I have no idea why but its kinda nice to be treated special just because I am white. Please understand its not a racist belief. It is just a part of their culture that makes them unique. Thai culture believes the opposite of what us Americans think. Being tan is not good here, it means you stay outside all day working in the hot sun and not relaxing inside with air conditioning. When with us staying inside means you work to much and don’t relax outside in the sun. It kinda makes me laugh a little about our thoughts about such things we both do things to our skin to look tan and white when really that just proves the point of how we are alike no matter the differences of the situation and the fact of different parts of the world. Woah, sorry I am rereading what I wrote and its kinda spread out with a bunch of different topics that don’t have good explanations but its late here and I am getting tired. There is so much I need to tell you about everything and I promise on windows 8 laptop I will write again before Monday when school starts back up for me. Aka back to wearing a uniform that makes me look like a barbie Thai style. I like cause I don’t worry about fitting in but seriously a uniform can be annoying. Not Good, Not Bad, Just Different. ;D that was for all you AFSer’s out there who find the motto as cheesy and helpful as ever.
Love everyone goodnight
Mary/tubtim/yaada
P.S that is my English name, Thai nickname. and Thai name. sweet dreams
#AFSThailand #AFS

Some Pictures!

Mary Conniff

The woman on my right is my very sweet homeroom teacher. This was my first day of school and the whole class gave me necklaces of small flowers!

good looking people 🙂

Chasing the Sun

WOW you need an update.

So I left the great state of Idaho behind me and flew to washington D.C. for orentation with the rest of the amazing 65 crew memebers of YES ABOARD. We had a few days together to be told so much information to scare us, inspire us, and prepare us for the life changing year ahead. With all the information flying through the 10 of us left we said our goodbyes and best of wishes to everyone going across the globe also. The India and Thailand teams had another to two days in the country for gateway orentation left to learn more about the country and the history of AFS. July 1st we went our seperate ways meaning there were now only 5 of us left and the longest plane ride of my life. We spent then over 20 hours chasing the sun for me it held the promises of dreams to come life and fears to chased away. I will let you know that was the only poetic part of the grueling trip. The majority of the rest of it was spent sleeping and drooling over myself. Then watched a movie and repeat.

IT FINALLY HAPPEND.

WELCOME TO THAILAND.

That being said we arrived at night looking not our best and smelling a little off and of course all looking completely tired and out of place in thailand. A long car ride from the airport to the hotel after we were dead asleep expected to wake up in less than eight hours later to take a tour of the Grand Palace. It was beaitiful. I wish I can be able to discribe the time and patience of such a magicient example of thailand. And that ladies and gentlemen was only day one. Afterwards we went out to eat and I tried Lemon Ice Tea thai style it was amazing. My school has it and I am happily looking forward to getting high blood presure. 🙂

I have to go now to go out to eat with my amazing advisor! I think I will be eating sushi!!

Ticking Clock

Hey everyone!

I haven’t posted anything in a while because there was nothing going on. But oh boy! Have things been happening! I am currently in Washington D.C. for Pre-Departure Orientation or as us YESer’s call it PDO. Basically for the past few days all 65 of the finalist going all across the world have been given TONS of information about how to be a wonderful ambassador to our countries and the best way to represent the United States. It was great I was able to see everyone and learned a lot of helpful information about Thailand.

So here I am now at a hotel by the airport I will be flying out of in 2 days. I am trying to avoid the part about how I share how I feel about all of this happening to me. I am not going to lie its difficult. This life changing opportunity does not stop testing your worth. The shear fact that I am doing this is hard to imagine. I am going to do something that is unheard of from where I live. It is like you are having an internal battle with yourself fighting for what emotion that can express how you feel. sadly in the end there is no winner. I will be going through a thing called “culture shock”. So my future posts can be examples of how completely different I will feel at times during my exchange. I am so glad I was able to learn about culture shock the easy way and have someone explain it to me then have to go through it alone!

It is pretty late here so I will be trying to blog weekly not only for my family befits but, it would also be great to see the changes in myself.  I know I wouldn’t do it the first week because I will be so busy with all the change, so after then!

Goodnight everyone!  ราตรีสวัสดิ์

The Thailand Team

Taken in front of the 4-H Center in Washington D.C. The girl in the back right is our group leader who went to Thailand in 2012-2013.